Cold ❅
Written By DWilliam 1/14/2011 03:11:00 AM
It was raining by the time I found my way back to the highway, a light drizzle falling down in slow waves through the night sky. Cars and the occasional sixteen wheeler splashed pass me, headlights illuminating a ragged street sign as they went. After some squinting and blinking I was barely able to make out reflective letters that spelled: Tanic, 4 miles.
I stood there in the rain, which--in true Texas fashion--had started to fall harder, and stared at the words, expecting to feel something. I wasn't sure what. Relief maybe. Or some sort of nostalgia. Maybe regret, or heartache. But as I stood there in the now heavy rain, I felt only Cold.
I swept my hands through my hair, damp strands slipping out of my face, looking away from the sign. I wasn't going to get home by standing there, and I had a long hike ahead of me. Not to mention the fact that there might be people watching the roads for me. I tried to shrug off the uneasy feeling I had from my lack of feeling at the sight of such a simple symbol, but it still nagged from the back of my mind. There was just so much that I had left unresolved when I left. Most of it was just simple closure stuff that I had thought I had gotten over through the years, but truth be told, I wasn't sure what awaited me in Tanic. Even more unsettling--
I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.
The horn from a passing Ford Focus brought me out of my memories and doubts. I shook my head at myself, managing not to start a conversation with my subconscious as was my usual cure to introspection. After a thought I realized that I probably looked like Lassie after a shower, shaking my shaggy water-logged head. That thought cheered me up a little. Lassie always made it back home safe.
Finding no other reason to stand there like an idiot there in the open were I would either get arrested or hit by a vehicle, I set my eyes forward into the drizzling darkness. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets before they could fill with water, put one soggy Converse in front of the other and began the walk back to the place I shouldn't have been returning to.
After all, dead men don't typically return to their graves.
----------------------------------✇----------------------------------
It would figure that the first thing I saw was the stupid High School Auditorium. Well, what was left of it anyway. The framework was up, reaching up at the sky in a skeletal grasp. Judging by the sheen I got in my vision from the more and more frequent lightning, it looked like the school district had opted for steel girders instead of wooden planks. Third times' the charm I guess. I thought I could still see smoke flitting around in the air, but it was probably just my imagination. I adjusted my coat, rolling some trapped water out of the collar, and kept walking.
I came into Tanic proper down Wall Street, walking along the curb until I got to the intersection at Main Street. The city seemed so much more smaller than I remembered it. Maybe it was because the storm clouds had wrapped themselves tightly around the dinky buildings and street-corners, the rain hammering hard so the winds didn't blow them away. Even with all of that though, it was all still here. The cars were a little more used, although the rain had seen to it that the layers of dust that were typically on West Texan cars were washed clean. I always liked the rain in Tanic. I liked the rain just about anywhere, but in Tanic it just seemed more...natural. Everything shone. even the cracked asphalt. It was as if the sky wanted to wash all of the dust and dirt that had gathered in the small town over the years and polish it clean. I suppose I felt that way because in my time here, the rain had wash away just as much blood.
I walked down the sidewalk; half relived, half amazed that everything was still here. The used bookstore, the run down hardware store that I used to buy supplies from, even the hole-in-the-wall burger joint were me and my first Love had our first date. Painful flashes of nights long past played behind my eyes at the thought of Lea. Of evenings sitting on the rooftop of a now burnt down church. Long, seemingly meaningless walks overt the fields that surrounded the town, filled with talk of the most obscure things. Of our first night together, and the promise I made her after.
I jerked my head to the other side of the street before that thought could ferment in my brain for too long, and shoved the memories far, far away from me. I focused on the twenty four hour diner on the corner instead, the only patrons stepping out the door.
If I had hesitated for a few more seconds, I would have missed her.
God help me, I had forgotten how lovely she was. She was wearing a simple white skirt with black flats, making her seem smaller than she was. A darker black blouse hugged her back and chest, defiantly absent of a coat. Her smooth raven hair hung around her like a parted curtain, framing her heart-shaped face. She was smiling, and it did wonders to her brown eyes. The second person, a tall man in a tweed hat and dark coat, opened up a large umbrella, holding it out for her to get under.
Instead of stepping under the shelter alone, Lea slipped her hand around the man's waist and pulled herself close. He moved his head down, and she went onto the tips of her toes and--
I looked away.
I turned my back to the couple, and the light that shone out from the diner, and slipped back in to the dark and the rain, the thunder rolling all the more wilder overhead. A stiff breeze curled around my legs, but I didn't shiver.
I was already cold enough anyway.
---✇----
I stood there in the rain, which--in true Texas fashion--had started to fall harder, and stared at the words, expecting to feel something. I wasn't sure what. Relief maybe. Or some sort of nostalgia. Maybe regret, or heartache. But as I stood there in the now heavy rain, I felt only Cold.
I swept my hands through my hair, damp strands slipping out of my face, looking away from the sign. I wasn't going to get home by standing there, and I had a long hike ahead of me. Not to mention the fact that there might be people watching the roads for me. I tried to shrug off the uneasy feeling I had from my lack of feeling at the sight of such a simple symbol, but it still nagged from the back of my mind. There was just so much that I had left unresolved when I left. Most of it was just simple closure stuff that I had thought I had gotten over through the years, but truth be told, I wasn't sure what awaited me in Tanic. Even more unsettling--
I wasn't sure if I wanted to know.
The horn from a passing Ford Focus brought me out of my memories and doubts. I shook my head at myself, managing not to start a conversation with my subconscious as was my usual cure to introspection. After a thought I realized that I probably looked like Lassie after a shower, shaking my shaggy water-logged head. That thought cheered me up a little. Lassie always made it back home safe.
Finding no other reason to stand there like an idiot there in the open were I would either get arrested or hit by a vehicle, I set my eyes forward into the drizzling darkness. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets before they could fill with water, put one soggy Converse in front of the other and began the walk back to the place I shouldn't have been returning to.
After all, dead men don't typically return to their graves.
----------------------------------✇----------------------------------
It would figure that the first thing I saw was the stupid High School Auditorium. Well, what was left of it anyway. The framework was up, reaching up at the sky in a skeletal grasp. Judging by the sheen I got in my vision from the more and more frequent lightning, it looked like the school district had opted for steel girders instead of wooden planks. Third times' the charm I guess. I thought I could still see smoke flitting around in the air, but it was probably just my imagination. I adjusted my coat, rolling some trapped water out of the collar, and kept walking.
I came into Tanic proper down Wall Street, walking along the curb until I got to the intersection at Main Street. The city seemed so much more smaller than I remembered it. Maybe it was because the storm clouds had wrapped themselves tightly around the dinky buildings and street-corners, the rain hammering hard so the winds didn't blow them away. Even with all of that though, it was all still here. The cars were a little more used, although the rain had seen to it that the layers of dust that were typically on West Texan cars were washed clean. I always liked the rain in Tanic. I liked the rain just about anywhere, but in Tanic it just seemed more...natural. Everything shone. even the cracked asphalt. It was as if the sky wanted to wash all of the dust and dirt that had gathered in the small town over the years and polish it clean. I suppose I felt that way because in my time here, the rain had wash away just as much blood.
I walked down the sidewalk; half relived, half amazed that everything was still here. The used bookstore, the run down hardware store that I used to buy supplies from, even the hole-in-the-wall burger joint were me and my first Love had our first date. Painful flashes of nights long past played behind my eyes at the thought of Lea. Of evenings sitting on the rooftop of a now burnt down church. Long, seemingly meaningless walks overt the fields that surrounded the town, filled with talk of the most obscure things. Of our first night together, and the promise I made her after.
I jerked my head to the other side of the street before that thought could ferment in my brain for too long, and shoved the memories far, far away from me. I focused on the twenty four hour diner on the corner instead, the only patrons stepping out the door.
If I had hesitated for a few more seconds, I would have missed her.
God help me, I had forgotten how lovely she was. She was wearing a simple white skirt with black flats, making her seem smaller than she was. A darker black blouse hugged her back and chest, defiantly absent of a coat. Her smooth raven hair hung around her like a parted curtain, framing her heart-shaped face. She was smiling, and it did wonders to her brown eyes. The second person, a tall man in a tweed hat and dark coat, opened up a large umbrella, holding it out for her to get under.
Instead of stepping under the shelter alone, Lea slipped her hand around the man's waist and pulled herself close. He moved his head down, and she went onto the tips of her toes and--
I looked away.
I turned my back to the couple, and the light that shone out from the diner, and slipped back in to the dark and the rain, the thunder rolling all the more wilder overhead. A stiff breeze curled around my legs, but I didn't shiver.
I was already cold enough anyway.
---✇----
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